


sirius

by onidayo



Series: celestial bodies [2]
Category: Block B, Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Barebacking, Brotherly Love, Daehwi as Daniel's in-universe brother, Developing Relationship, Family Dynamics, Fluff, M/M, Meet the Family, Porn with Feelings, Self-Doubt, Trans Character, daniel tries to fight a sixteen year old, everybody loves daehwi, kyung is an angel, please read note for a few details, wanna one legal line as a greek chorus, yeehaw, yoon jisung: father of the year
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 17:25:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18168005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onidayo/pseuds/onidayo
Summary: 「sirius (n.): the brighest pair of stars in the night sky」jiho and daniel take new steps into the light.





	sirius

**Author's Note:**

> whew... we meet again.
> 
> note: this is a sequel to my other fic "celestial bodies" so i would recommend reading that one if you want to be able to make sense of everything in this one!
> 
> note 2: the porn actually only makes up about... 15% of this fic but i still wanted to tag/archive it properly so no one gets surprised by stuff they don't want to see? so yeah heads up this is still mostly fluff & sfw

> _< < Is there an acceptable result?_
> 
>  
> 
> _Do we mean something when we talk?_
> 
>  
> 
> _Is it enough that we are_
> 
>  
> 
> _shuddering from the sound? >>_

  


 

It’s 2:23AM and the world is quiet when Daniel asks him, face hidden against Jiho’s neck.

 

“Do you want to come to see my brother’s play?”

 

In the dark of the room, Jiho can hear his own heartbeat getting faster, a rhythm that rises incessantly at the thought. He hadn’t thought about the very real possibility that their lives would intermingle to that extent, that this wasn’t just the room, and the neon lights, and the clock anymore. Everything had slowed down so much around the two of them that Jiho had barely realized that they were moving.

 

He cards his fingers through Daniel's hair, an absent-minded gesture that tethers him to reality.

 

“It’s at his school.” Daniel mumbles, seemingly unwilling to move from the nest he’d made under the comforter and against Jiho’s side. “There’s going to be a sweets buffet.”

 

Even as Daniel is trying to ease him into it, Jiho stares intently at the ceiling to avoid betraying how his brain is going a mile a minute. This certainly isn't the direction he thought any of this would go, and he's still so far from having both hands on the steering wheel.

 

“Are you sure he's going to want me there?” he tries, throat getting dry. He's been in his fair share of nerve-wracking situations, but meeting Daniel's brother somehow intimidates him more than he can say. “I mean… does he even know about...” It still feels strange to even think of saying it. “Us?”

 

“He gave me two tickets and a wink.” Daniel says it very quietly, but Jiho can feel the beginnings of a smile against his skin. “I think he’s caught on to me not coming home every other night.”

 

Smart kid. Takes from his brother, probably, and when Jiho realizes that, he feels sweat rolling down the nape of his neck. “Oh god.” he drags his hands over his face, screws his eyes shut.

 

The bed dips when Daniel hoists himself up on his elbow, and Jiho opens his eyes to find him looking down with a concerned look on his face.

 

“And I also think that means he really wants to meet you.” He tries to sound reassuring, tilts his head to the side as he waits.

 

Jiho reaches to cup Daniel's cheek then, thumb brushing under his eye. “Maybe. I'm not sure he will approve, though.”

 

Despite his best effort to make it sound light-hearted, Jiho feels his own heart speed up at the thought. He's not exactly the most well-adjusted person, or even adjusted at all, and he's never thought of himself as someone you introduce to your family. Something about a very lonely man in a very high tower, and most people take the story to mean he's simply not fit for whatever this is.

 

Luckily, Daniel is never the harbinger of this kind of judgment. He simply turns his head enough to press a kiss to Jiho's palm, and then he smiles, still earnest. “It’s not the royal court anymore,” he mumbles where his lips are still ghosting over Jiho’s hand. “He’s going to love you, not because of your credentials, or your bank account-” Daniel snorts when Jiho makes a face at him. “But because you’re a good person. And that’s all that matters.”

 

Maybe it’s true, but Jiho tosses and turns the whole night, eyes finding the line of Daniel’s back as he sleeps undisturbed, and following it hoping to find some sort of solace.

 

He never planned for this, for someone to finally reach inside and pull out all of the things he’d kept suppressed and hidden, to make him want more than he’d ever thought possible. And he doesn’t know if he’s ready, feels like he’s finding out as things happen and he’s swept away in them, and it’s not that he minds, because this is what he wants, what he needs, but there’s always this nagging in the back of his mind that makes him wonder if he’s enough.

 

As he watches the steady rise and fall of Daniel’s shoulders, Jiho knows he wants to try to be. If he falls flat on his face again, at least he’ll fall at Daniel’s feet.

 

___

  


When Jiho wakes up and tumbles into the kitchen, Daniel is nose deep in a spoonful of cereal, one of Jiho’s old shirts clinging to his shoulders, his bare legs propped up on the chair at the other side of the table. Jiho had never felt like anyone lived in his apartment before Daniel started hanging around, the rooms staying empty and cold since he moved in, because he never found the time to enjoy them.

 

Now there’s actual food in his fridge, creases in the sheets on the other side of the bed, and two phone chargers plugged in beside the couch, and Jiho doesn’t even mind the toothpaste that dribbles down his chin when Daniel pushes him from the bathroom sink before they go to sleep.

 

Jiho rounds the table to plant a kiss on Daniel’s cheek, the younger man making a pleased noise in the back of his throat as his hand finds the side of Jiho’s face.

 

“Morning, handsome.” Jiho mumbles, still drowsy. He’s not used to sleeping in, and the fact that the clock on the wall only reads 8:12 probably wouldn’t lead anyone else to label this a late morning, but his body is still catching up.

 

He slumps down in the next chair over and Daniel pushes the cereal box towards him, a playful smile on his lips. “See? You didn’t get to the office at the crack of dawn, and,” he waves his phone in front of Jiho’s face. “No news on the building burning down yet.”

 

Without a word, Jiho steals a sip from Daniel’s coffee mug. It’s lukewarm but it’ll do, for now, as he screws his eyes shut hoping the flash will help whip his brain into gear. “You win again,” he groans, more out of leftover tiredness that actual frustration, and Daniel snorts.

 

“I always do.”

 

It’s funny to Jiho, how so many of the people he meets have told him happiness is success, and fancy cars, and people knowing your name. Right now, as Daniel cards his fingers through Jiho’s hair and attempts to feed him soggy cereal, stardust spilling from his lips every time he laughs, Jiho thinks these people have got it so wrong. As the world quietly wakes up outside, he feels almost sad for them at the thought that they’ll never know what this moment feels like.

 

Daniel’s phone buzzes against the table, the alarm signaling that it’s 8:30, and he has class in an hour. He grumbles and pushes his bowl towards Jiho, puffy clouds floating up to the surface.

 

“Wow, thanks.” Jiho deadpans. “Is this payback for all the takeout?”

 

As much as he’d like to believe that time can stretch for them, life still goes on and as it has in the past month or so, it has continued to be busy, Jiho running from meeting to press conference to recording session, and Daniel balancing early classes and late nights at work. Neither of them wants to admit it, but the date they’d promised each other had turned into late nights eating from plastic boxes, sitting against each other on the same end of Jiho’s couch.

 

Sometimes, Jiho wonders if Daniel has forgotten all about it, but he still holds onto the promise.

 

“Please. I’d already eat fried chicken every day if I could, eating it with you is just a bonus.” Daniel pushes himself to his feet, checking the notifications on his phone.

 

Jiho doesn’t meant to look, but his eyes are drawn to the background photo, of Daniel and a younger boy, together in the sun, a flag wrapped around their shoulders.

 

“Is that your brother?” he asks, unable to stop himself. Daniel gives him a gentle smile, swiping the apps away so Jiho can take a better look.

 

In the picture, the boy looks barely fifteen, tousled hair falling in front of his eyes, and Daniel’s got an arm around his shoulders like a shield against the world.

 

“Yup. That’s Daehwi,” Daniel points at the screen as if it wasn’t obvious, like he was waiting for an opportunity to show his brother off. “Last summer, his first-” he stops himself, like something gets caught in his throat. “He should tell you himself.”

 

When Jiho focuses on the picture, looks at Daehwi, all smiles, holding the corner of the flag to his chest, he decides that Daniel is right.

 

The picture is covered up by Daniel’s alarm again and he shakes his head, pushes his chair in before he walks towards the bathroom, leaving Jiho with his cereal milk and his swirling thoughts.

 

There’s so much he has yet to learn, about Daniel, about his life, and about how to make this work, even if it’s as simple as having breakfast next to each other, or as panic-inducing as meeting Daniel’s brother, his family, the person who probably knows him better than Jiho could ever hope to.

 

In between the two, he scrolls through his calendar and his eyes settle on an empty space, like a blank canvas that desperately needs some color.

 

Fifteen minutes later, Daniel emerges from the bathroom, and Jiho tries to not comment on the fact that he’s definitely wearing Jiho’s sweater, because it’s become a habit and Jiho still feels a little embarrassed at how his heart seems to grow just a little warmer everytime.

 

“I swear, one day I’m going to go in there and you’ll never hear from me again.” Daniel cranes his neck, presses a hand to the small of his own back. “Fucking jet streams! In the shower!”

 

Jiho dumps his spoiled milk down the drain, rinses his mouth out directly from the tap. “And you should see the steam options.”

 

“If this is your plan to keep me here forever, it’s working.” Daniel takes the few steps towards Jiho, hooks a finger in the waistband of his sweats. He smiles against Jiho’s lips before they meet, soft and steady, their hunger satiated for now.

 

He knows he should go too, get cleaned up and ready, because he’ll be pushing it otherwise and then Kyung will shoot him that look again when he walks into the office, but Jiho reasons with himself that another kiss can’t hurt. He slings an arm around Daniel’s waist, holds him in the space between desire and reason, and the fact that Daniel’s hands slide up into his hair again is enough to comfort Jiho that this is the right course of action to start the morning.

 

“You’re trying to get in trouble.” Daniel whispers, but he still kisses back.

 

Trouble has never seemed so sweet.

 

“Hey.” Jiho says, pulling back just enough to look Daniel in the eye. “Tuesday. It’s your day off, right?”

 

Daniel tilts his head and squints, like he’s trying to read between the lines. “Yeah?”

 

Alright. Now or never, because the stars have aligned enough times already that Jiho fears it would be foolish to hope they will again for a long time after this.

 

“Then we should finally go on that date. Make another thing right.”

 

All the money in the world and all the things it can buy pale in comparison to the way Daniel’s face lights up, and how his entire body seems to come alive with the breath he takes.

 

“So you haven’t forgotten,” he giggles, a rose tint coloring his cheeks.

 

Jiho simply nods, and he almost skips to the bathroom when he’s sure that Daniel isn’t looking anymore.

 

 

 

___

  
  
  
  


Despite his best efforts to not dwell on things, it still takes Daniel a few tries to button his shirt the right way, his mind wandering elsewhere, to where Jiho might be. He manages it, eventually, and then gets both arms through the backpiece of his harness, pulls it around himself in front of the mirror.

 

Minhyun raises both his eyebrows, a grin tugging at his lips. “That’s quite the getup. Is Jiho coming tonight?

 

Two seats over, Jaehwan opens his mouth, only for Jisung to clasp a hand over it. Daniel snorts, adjusting the harness where it’s almost flush against his chest, and he tries not to comment on the fact that Minhyun says all this while he’s got nothing but a sheer green bodysuit on.

 

When he’s finally managed to fight Jisung off, Jaehwan doesn’t waste any time. “So! How’s it going with your sugar daddy anyway?”

 

“Yeah, haven’t seen him in a while, did you kill him already?” Minhyun deadpans, not even looking in Daniel’s direction.

 

Daniel hesitates between strangling the both of them and keeping to his current task, only for a second before he checks the clock and decides any drastic measures can wait until the end of the night.

 

“I’ve already told you,” he buckles his belt, makes sure everything is secured. “He’s not my sugar daddy. We don’t all have the same aspirations, you know”.

 

Jaehwan snorts. “I would be offended if you weren’t right. If he isn’t though… then what’s going on?”

 

That’s the question Daniel’s been asking himself for weeks.

 

The agreement was that Jiho shouldn’t come to the club anymore, because it lets Daniel do his job with a clear mind, without worrying that Jiho will see him with the other men and get jealous, or even worse, insecure. He wishes he could convince Jiho that this, what they have, is nothing that he needs to worry about, that Daniel isn’t going to run off with the first guy that offers to pay his rent, that everything runs so much deeper than this. But there’s things that just don’t disappear that easily, and so he’d rather keep Jiho away from here, for now, keep him in the spaces where he can trust that Jiho knows Daniel is his.

 

Daniel sits down to pull his boots on, tries to give himself a moment to find the right words. “It’s like he’s still questioning everything, you know? I asked him if he wants to come to Daehwi’s play and he kind of just… closed up on himself.”

 

There’s a hand on his shoulder right then, and Daniel looks up to find Jisung, sitting sideways in his chair, eyes bright with compassion.

 

“Give him time.” Jisung leans back in his chair, eyes fixed on a point on the wall like he’s trying to see into the future. “He seems like a sensitive guy, but not one who has had many opportunities to explore it.”

 

Daniel huffs in acknowledgement, because it’s still wild to him, how little Jiho seems to know about his own feelings. “I just don’t want him to be scared of… this.” He gestures into the air, and at himself, and Jisung smiles.

 

“His heart’s in the right place. You have to hold on to that,” he says.

 

It’s all Daniel’s been doing, and he knows if he holds on just a little more, everything will come to light. It’s the melancholy in Jiho’s eyes that worries him, the way he seems to retreat within himself, so small and unsure, that Daniel wishes he knew how to deal with. He knows nothing will happen if he doesn’t give it time, but he can’t stop the nagging in his heart that just wants to let Jiho know that he’s enough.

 

Maybe he goes quiet for a little too long, because Jaehwan shuffles across the floor to come and sit on Daniel’s lap, completely unfazed by the way Jisung tries to reach over and whack him over the head. “Seems like both of you are thinking too much.”

 

“Yeah, you wouldn’t know anything about that.” Daniel tries to push Jaehwan off, but he’s put in a headlock instead.

 

“I’m just saying,” Jaehwan grunts, nearly falling off the chair and taking Daniel’s head with him. “Everything’s going better than either of you anticipated, right? But that doesn’t mean things are bound to go wrong, it’s not an omen, or whatever.”

 

Daniel stops struggling, and Jaehwan lets him go.

 

Brushing himself down, Jaehwan stands up, a hand on the back of Daniel’s chair. “If you focus on the bad stuff that could happen, you’ll never get to enjoy the good stuff that’s actually happening, yeah? And honestly, right now, it doesn’t seem like you’ve got anything to worry about.”

 

It’s the most sensible thing Daniel’s heard in a while, and for a moment, he has no idea what to make of it. Jaehwan ruffles his hair and walks away before he can suffer proper retribution, but even then, Daniel doesn’t think he’d have the heart to dish it out right now.

 

“He’s right, you know.” Jisung tilts his head to put his earrings in, one by one, methodical as always. “People just have their peculiarities. Look at us.”

 

A simple look around the room is enough for Daniel to understand what he means. If all of them came together to create something beautiful, there’s no reason he and Jiho can’t do the same.  It’s the personal intricacies that are harder to navigate, and he wishes telling Jiho that everything will be fine would be as easy as the way the boys are reassuring him right now.

 

There’s no instant cure for loneliness, no potion he can brew to make everything better, to make Jiho forget about all the cold nights and all the empty spaces. He can’t just pick a magic word out of a book, but at least Daniel knows he can show Jiho he doesn’t have to always be in the driver’s seat, and that the road ahead is clear of potholes and muddy water.

 

“And I mean, if your beau chickens out, I’d love to go to Daehwi’s play.” Jisung quips, laughing when Daniel hangs his head. “You know I’m always happy to see him.”

 

“I’m pretty sure he’ll give you an invite if you ask,” Daniel only says it because he knows it’s true, that Daehwi would never pass up a chance to see Jisung again. “There are days I’m convinced he likes you more than me.”

 

Jisung smiles at his reflection in the mirror. “Well, what can I say. I’m very likeable.” He exhales when Seongwu knocks on the door for the five minute call. “And we’re kindred spirits, he and I.”

 

It’s something Daniel will never stop being thankful for.

 

 

_

  
  


Daniel doesn’t even dare to glance at the clock when he gets home, his foot nearly catching in the carpet as he stumbles through the living room.

 

After all the customers had gone, he knows he probably should have turned down the drink that Jisung had pushed towards him from behind the bar after ousting the bartender himself, should have told Jaehwan that no, really, he should go home and rest, but he’d rapidly given up on the pretense of being a excellent decision maker.

 

Next thing he knew, Seongwu was pushing him and Jisung in the back of a taxi while Minhyun was giggling to himself as it drove off, waving them goodbye before he dropped all of his weight on Seongwu’s shoulders.

 

At least he doesn’t have class tomorrow, and it’s the only thing keeping him upright long enough to toe his shoes off before he collapses on the couch.

  
  
  


He only wakes up when he feels a hand on his shoulder, gently shaking him to check if there’s any response.

 

“Hey.”

 

Daniel groans and he tries to turn around on the couch, to block the noise and the light of day, but he rolls the wrong way and jolts awake when his knee hits the floor, barely catching himself before he inevitably crashes on the carpet.

 

“I’m alive.” he mumbles, gathering himself enough to at least sit up with his back to the couch. “I think.”

 

Above him, Daehwi snorts and hands him a glass of water, and Daniel is very grateful that his brother doesn’t comment when he completely misses his mouth the first time he tries to take a sip.The water goes down eventually, and Daniel feels his stomach twisting, like it’s berating him for only thinking of this now.

 

Daehwi sits carefully on the edge of the couch, puts a hand against Daniel’s forehead. “You… It’s a good thing you don’t have class today. You look a mess.”

 

“Why thank you, little brother.” Daniel mumbles, looking up to make a face at Daehwi. “I love you too!”

 

Even so, he knows Daehwi’s right. He’s been working more and longer nights lately, because the winter was harsh on their heating bill, and school doesn’t take that into account, and maybe it’s not such a good idea to stay after closing time to drink with your colleagues. Except when those colleagues are friends, and they’re the best people he’s ever met, and Daniel doesn’t want the worries to swallow up his life quite yet.

 

His head hurts whenever he tries to move, and he should definitely try to sleep more before he goes back to work tonight, but he still can’t find it in himself to regret any of it.

 

Slowly, like every muscle in his body is refusing to cooperate, he pushes himself off the floor, counting on Daehwi to catch him should his feet fail him. Thankfully, Daniel still makes it to the fridge, and Daehwi just follows, an amused smile on his face.

 

Daniel finds him standing there when he emerges from the fridge. “Not another word. See this?” he gestures at himself, and his shoulder cracks back into place. “This is why you’re not allowed to have sleepovers at Guanlin’s.”

 

He’s heard stories about the boy’s brother, and figures Daehwi has enough of a bad influence at home already.

 

“I’m offended you think I’d be so easily influenced.” Daehwi leans over and flicks Daniel on the forehead. “And Wooseok’s really not that bad.”

 

The way Daehwi gestures at him when he says “that” should probably offend Daniel more than it does, but he doesn’t have time to pick a fight before he feels the familiar headache coming in. “I would say I’m never drinking again but-”

 

“You said that after Sungwoon’s birthday, too.” Daehwi quips, lifting his shoulders.

 

Just the thought of how sick he’d been the entire day after that particular celebration is enough to make Daniel gulp, and he decides that this is a losing battle after all, because Daehwi is fully awake, and not hungover, and Daniel doesn’t need to be humiliated by a seventeen year old first thing in the morning.

 

Daehwi seems to understand when Daniel seeks his mercy, so he just drinks his juice in silence until Daniel finds enough strength to completely open his eyes, wincing when the late morning light hits him right in the face.

 

“So, are you coming to my play?” Daehwi asks then, out of the blue, and Daniel almost wants to close his eyes so he doesn’t have to see his brother’s inquisitive expression.

 

He sighs, because he knows that’s not exactly the answer Daehwi is looking for. “Why don’t you ask the question you actually want to ask.”

 

“Okay.” Daehwi tilts his head and tenses his shoulders, and he’s sitting so upright it’s almost a little disorienting. “Am I finally going to get to meet your boyfriend when he comes to see my play? Or are you going to continue trying to keep him a secret.”

 

Maybe one day Daniel will have to remove his protective older brother goggles and accept that Daehwi is, with all due evidence, leaps and bounds smarter than he is, and maybe that day is today.

 

“Right.” is all he can think to say at first, because his brain is running a mile a minute thinking of how unsure Jiho had looked at the invitation. “Can I… get back to you on that? The play, not the boyfriend, I’m not even sure why I didn’t tell you about him before-”

 

Daehwi giggles and cups his own face in his hands, like he’s fascinated by the unraveling currently taking place in front of him. “It’s okay. I don’t tell you everything about my life either.” If Daniel nearly chokes on his milk at that, Daehwi is kind enough to not point it out. “I’m just curious, is all. It’s been a while since someone kept you out all night, he must be really special.”

 

He doesn’t push further, because Daniel doesn’t necessarily want to think about the last time, right now, and although Daehwi always enjoys pushing buttons, there’s some things he’s mature enough to understand are best left in the past. Nostalgia only gets you so far, and Daniel thinks he would much rather focus on the here and now, the present he’s trying to build with Jiho.

 

“He’s worried about meeting you,” Daniel admits, scraping his nails on the tabletop. “He’s kind of… self-conscious. Doesn’t think you’ll approve.”

 

At that, Daehwi makes a surprised noise in the back of his throat, and he huffs. “I don’t have to approve, I’m not your mother.”

 

“Thank god for that,” Daniel says, almost without meaning too, and Daehwi clicks his tongue and smiles.

 

“Yeah. As long as he treats you right, I don’t think I could find a single reason to disapprove, or whatever.” Daehwi looks pensive for a moment, and then his eyes go wide. “Oh, he’s not part of a gang, is he? A mobster? Mob chief? Daniel, are you a trophy boyfriend? Do we need to change our names - again? I haven’t even finished with this one!”

 

The way Daehwi’s speech gets faster and faster makes Daniel stifle a laugh so he doesn’t spill his cereal everywhere, and he reaches over, mouth still full, to stop his brother from spiraling.

 

“None of that, please stop-”

 

Daehwi takes a breath and he winks, content with his effect. “See? Then tell him he doesn’t need to be worried, and I’ll see him next week.”

 

It’s not always the people you expect who manage to keep you grounded. Daniel downs his fourth glass of water and he thanks the sky again for Daehwi, the same way he does every day. His head feels so much clearer now, in every way, and he just needs to get a little more rest on top of that.

 

On his way to the bathroom, he nearly trips over Daehwi, who’s crouching on the floor and rummaging through his bag before he produces a small blue box, that Daniel instantly recognizes because Daehwi picks it up twice a month from the pharmacy on the corner.

 

“Oh fuck, I forgot it was today I’m sorry-”

 

Daehwi playfully punches his shoulder and follows Daniel into the bathroom, setting the box on the edge of the sink. “It’s fine. I really have to start doing it myself eventually but,” he scratches the back of his head like he’s embarrassed, and Daniel remembers this is still his baby brother after all. “It’s more reassuring when you do it.”

 

They’ve been through this before, and they will again, because Daniel refuses to let Daehwi go it alone.

 

He’s definitely gotten better at it, because he sees how much better Daehwi feels every time, how he seems to breathe just a little easier. The needle doesn’t look as  scary anymore, and even if Daehwi still winces a little from the sting, his smile afterwards is still as wide as it was the first time.

 

“All good?” Daniel enquires when he discards the needle and the gloves.

 

Daehwi hops off the edge of the bathtub, only staying still to let Daniel put a bandaid on the site. “You know I always feel better after this.”

 

Scraping his salary and tips together to get Daehwi to his doctors’ appointments had been a small price to pay when Daniel had been able to see his brother bloom in front of his eyes, to see him become the person he’s meant to be.

 

When he checks the time on his phone, he sees that picture again, of the two of them, the past summer, the happiest they’d ever been. The flag still hangs above Daehwi’s bed, pink and blue hues that color his world and that, Daniel hopes, remind him that he’s never alone in this.

 

“You’re being sappy again, aren’t you.” Daehwi wraps his arms around Daniel’s middle, swinging them to a silent beat. “Go to sleep you cheeseball.”

 

Daniel wiggles out of Daehwi’s grip, only to muss up his hair and sling an arm around the younger boy’s shoulders. “I’m proud of you. Always.”

 

The look Daehwi gives him is all the confirmation he needs, and with that, Daniel stumbles into his room and sleeps soundly until the afternoon.

  
  


___

  
  


_< < But you are my nomad and I love you sideways daily._

 

_Sideways because I have to beam my love in all directions,_

 

_hoping it bounces off something_

 

_and eventually finds you. >>_

 

 

 

When Jiho leaves the office that day, he gives his driver the rest of the day off and heads straight to the subway.

 

It’s been a while since he’s taken it at peak hours, and it’s still strange to walk past people and feel their heads turn, but he needs to clear his head, listen to the sounds of the city, far from the sterile enclosure of his car and the clinical comfort of his life.

 

His metro card beeps him inside the station with difficulty, perhaps from lack of use or being thrown haphazardly into his pockets, but eventually he’s on the train, between a group of high school kids and a duo of businessmen, holding on to the overhead handle for dear life when the train stops and starts at every station. Slowly, Jiho counts them, until he gets to his connection, and then he counts them again when he’s on the other train, slowly, down to zero.

 

If he’s ever been to this part of the city, he can’t remember, but he still takes a moment to appreciate the towering buildings, the swarms of students going back to their lives for just a few hours, and he wonders if any of them feel as anxious as he does.

This is where Daniel said he would be, so Jiho waits, each passing second tightening the knot in his throat. It’s been so long, so unbearably long, since he’s felt like this, tingles running down to his fingertips and up his spine.

 

It isn’t until he makes out the shape of Daniel’s shoulders in the crowd that the tingles burst into butterflies in Jiho’s stomach, and he’s berate himself from being so far gone if the way Daniel smiles when he spots him too didn’t justify all of it.

 

“Have you been waiting long?” Daniel throws his arms around Jiho’s neck. “Sorry, we got some last minutes assignments, it’s hell.”

 

He takes just one step back, cups Jiho’s face with one hand, the other on Jiho’s chest. Jiho wonders if Daniel can feel his heartbeat like this.

 

“Is this ok?”

 

Jiho finds Daniel’s hand where it’s resting against his heart and he takes it, leaves little room for doubt. “More than ok.”

  
  


“So. Where are we going?” Daniel enquires when they’re on the train.

 

For once, Jiho feels happy that he has all the cards in hand, reassured that he knows where he’s going. “It’s a little ways off, but I think… I think it’s the right place. You’ll see.”

 

They let the rhythm of the train lull them into comfort, and Jiho isn’t so startled by the stops when Daniel is there. Jiho still counts the stops, and the connections, and eventually he smiles when he recognizes the station he used to see everyday, what feels like a lifetime ago.

 

His feet take him to the place almost on instinct, weaving through side streets until he sees the neon sign, still bright above the door. When he peeks through, he finds that nothing has changed, and like he leaped back in time, the old lady behind the counter greets him and reaches out to pinch his cheek, an affable smile drawn up on her face.

 

“Well that’s a surprise! If it isn’t our little bard!”

 

Next to him, Jiho hears Daniel choke on a giggle.

 

Unphased, the lady hands them two menus, and she gestures to the back of the room. “Do you still write songs, my dear? I’d love to hear them.”

 

“I don’t know,” Daniel plays along, tugging at Jiho’s sleeve, and Jiho feels his cheeks catching on fire. “Do you?”

 

It takes more effort than Jiho will admit to tear Daniel away from his newfound friendship, but eventually they’re sitting at the table in the back, Jiho’s favorite spot, even now.

 

“This is cozy.” Daniel says, eyes scanning the menu. He sets it down, looks around at the pictures scattered on the wall and the antiques alongside the counter, but eventually his eyes settle on Jiho.

 

There’s noise coming from the kitchen and Jiho is sure that if he closes his eyes and concentrates, he can travel back in time. “Yeah. I used to come here all the time, when I was in university.” Across the table, Daniel stops fiddling with a corner of the menu, his attention undivided. “I wrote so many songs at this table, with Kyung too sometimes, and she was always the first one to hear them.”

 

As if she can hear him, the lady calls for them from behind her counter, and they give her their order as she smiles and scribbles on an old ragged notepad. It’s almost like he never left, the last time he’d been here, three days before graduation. He wishes he still had the free time to come in every week, to order only side dishes and a bowl of bingsu, and bury himself in his sheet music and his demos, away from the stress of the world.

 

“It’s about the closest thing I had to…” it’s almost odd to say it, in hindsight, but he feels it deep in the crevices of his heart even now. “Home. It felt comfortable, and safe.”

 

It still does.

 

He falls silent, then, and as if on cue, the first round of their food comes in, steaming hot and filling the air with memories.

 

Daniel surveys the table, and then Jiho’s face, and he stops Jiho’s hand right as he’s about to reach for his chopsticks. “Thank you. For taking me here.”

 

As much as Jiho wants to tell him it’s not a big deal, the deal is in fact so enormous that he might as well sign it right now.

 

“I know it’s been hard for you to figure all this out.” Daniel doesn’t let go of Jiho’s hand. “But we’re only just beginning. We’ve got time.”

 

“I know.” Jiho squeezes Daniel’s hand. “I’ve just never been… good at this. I don’t want to completely blow it.”

 

The truth is, even if he wanted to, Jiho doesn’t think he could. It’s only his own mind that holds him back, and he wishes he could let go of it, let go of the failed attempts, and the resentment, and the remorse - and oh, those hurt most of all, when he still sees them in someone’s eyes.

 

Reluctantly, he lets go of Daniel’s hand, but he still keeps head in the moment, now that he finally has it in his grasp. “You make me want to try.”

 

Like it has so many times, when Jiho sits at this table, the world slows down.

 

“Even if I completely fall on my face a dozen times, even if I have no fucking clue what I’m doing, you- you make me want to try, but I’m so afraid I’m going to mess everything up that I don’t even know where to start,” he blurts out, and then he shoves way too many green beans into his mouth, and he’s pretty sure there’s sauce smearing at the corner of his lips but that’s the least of his concerns.

 

He peeks at Daniel through his hair, and finds him smiling. Jiho’s not sure which part of the situation is funny, and maybe it’s the beans cutting off his oxygen supply, but it takes him a second and a half to realize Daniel isn’t laughing at him.

 

“This,” Daniel says, and he reaches over to brush Jiho’s hair out of his face. “This is a good start.”

 

Maybe for once, things really can be that simple.

 

Maybe, just for once in Jiho’s life since the last time he was here, he doesn’t have to do everything at once, doesn’t have to worry or care about anything but this moment, but Daniel across from him, the way he smiles, the way he lifts his shoulders in delight whenever he tastes another dish, the way he runs the tip of his shoe alongside Jiho’s calf and giggles when Jiho shivers all over.

 

“I can’t believe we’ve been eating so much takeout,” Daniel mumbles around a mouthful of fried noodles, after blatantly stealing it right from under Jiho’s nose. “When this has been right here the whole time.”

 

Jiho snorts. “I’m trying.”

 

The empty dishes are stacked on the side of the table, and Daniel pats his stomach as he deposits the noodle dish on top of the tower, a precarious structure that Jiho readies himself to catch as Daniel removes his hand.

 

“You have so little faith in me!” Daniel accuses him. He crosses his arms over his chest and sticks his bottom lip out, but the act lasts only a moment before the lady rings a bell and announces that dessert is ready, taking careful steps towards their table.

 

Jiho feels himself falling, just a little bit more, when Daniel cups his own face in amazement at the sheer size of the bowl, every topping Jiho remembers piled up high on top of the ice. Daniel gulps when he grabs his spoon, pulls the bowl towards himself.

 

“Hey.” Jiho calls. “What about me?”

 

In one swift movement, Daniel points his spoon at Jiho. “This isn’t about you. I’ve got a date with destiny.”

 

His tone is so serious that Jiho would almost order another dessert just to watch Daniel attempt the climb, but he still picks up his own spoon and digs in to Daniel’s shock and horror.

 

“This is one for two. It’s a steal,” he says and then he hums around the ice as it melts in his mouth, welcomes the familiar flavor and sensation.

 

On the other side of the table, Daniel exhales, tries to bite back a grin. “Smooth.” He takes a spoonful too, licking his lips as he lets it sink in. “I think you’re way past trying now.”

 

If it’s too much credit given, Jiho doesn’t say anything. He wouldn’t know either way, and seeing Daniel like this, happy in the simplicity of this place and this moment, is enough of a victory in itself that Jiho doesn’t need to think any further for now.

  
  


It’s too early when they have to leave, but then again, Jiho feels like no time will ever truly be the right time for any kind of goodbye. He’s missed this place, more than he can say, and there’s a comfortable feeling settling at the back of his mind, like a new seed, only waiting to grow.

 

He pays the tab and promises to come back soon and more often, and Daniel bows at a right angle before the two of them step out onto the street, street lamps replacing the sunlight one by one.

 

“We’re doing this again soon, yeah?” Daniel asks, fingers curling in the lapel of Jiho’s coat where they’re standing just a street away from the main road.

 

Jiho wonders if he saved a country in a past life, or perhaps invented the wheel. “Definitely. Sorry it took so long.”

 

Daniel smiles again then, and he kisses Jiho, soft and steady, like he’s not going anywhere, and Jiho believes him.

 

“Worth it.”

  
  


It always will be, when Daniel doesn’t let go of Jiho’s hand all the way back, when he’s got his back to the elevator mirror, breath cut short as they ride up. It’s always worth the wait when Daniel giggles halfway into Jiho’s mouth and pulls him to the bedroom, and the night sky has got nothing on the line of Daniel’s throat.

 

He still fumbles a little and his hands are unsteady, unsure still, when Daniel says “touch me”, but Jiho can never refuse him. He feels warm skin under his palms, the plane of Daniel’s stomach and the curve of his waist, roads that he could map out with his eyes closed.

 

In the dark of night, when Daniel arches off the bed to meet him, and their bodies align like planets, there’s nothing to fear. The only thing to focus on is this, the sound of their breathing, bodies driving into each other, the hollow of Daniel’s throat as Jiho sets the pace.

 

Slow and steady wins the race, Jiho finds, and every new movement of his hips brings music from Daniel’s lips.

 

Jiho commits it to memory, every breath, doesn’t want to miss even one note. He closes his eyes and he listens to the sounds of Daniel being pried open, of their need and their hunger as he pins the younger man down, hands on his wrists, mouth on his neck, and his jaw, and finally, there’s gold at the end of the path.

 

“Remember when you were too nervous to kiss me?” Daniel sighs, a hand reaching up, fingertips trembling against Jiho’s jaw.

 

What a relief he found his spine, Jiho thinks. “I can’t remember anything before this.”

 

It’s always better when Daniel laughs, his fingers tangling in Jiho’s hair as he pulls him impossibly closer, until there’s no space left for doubt.

  


 

___

  
  
  


_< < I find parts that overlap with mine_

 

_and light them up in clays and creams,_

 

_yellow music singing pink,_

 

_the flicker of his mouth a purple rust. >>_

 

Something itches in the back of Jiho’s mind during the entire day at the office, a melody nagging until he can’t ignore it anymore.

 

He taps his fingers against his desk, incessantly, trying to pin down the rhythm until he gets enough of a hold on it to write it down, records the mute sounds on his phone so he doesn’t lose the feeling. All throughout lunch, he hums in the back of his throat, and if his investors think he’s gone crazy when Jiho sneaks off to the bathroom to record that too, he’s surprised to find that he doesn’t have any will to care.

 

On the car ride back, he’s still humming, still tapping his fingers, variations on a theme that he’s still getting to know. There’s a pencil in his coat pocket and he scribbles on his palm, on a discolored receipt he finds deep in the folds of his wallet. The words are disjointed still, but he’s sure in time, they’ll all mean something.

 

Maybe that something is lips that curl into a smile, hands that keep him steady, a boy in a dark room, painted in light. Maybe it’s crumpled up sheets, a drawer of someone else’s things at his place, a forgotten textbook on his coffee table, a ridiculously large dessert, and the sweetness on his tongue, in a moonlit alley, on a night where nothing could ever go wrong.

 

If his words are supposed to mean something, Jiho can only hope it comes across in whichever way he finds.

  


The sales associate gives him a pointed look when Jiho forgoes listening to that day’s business proposal in favor of blacking out entire pages of his notebook with words he doesn’t quite know how to say, scraping turns of phrase and rhymes and starting again. In the end, Jiho scratches the back of his head and he apologizes as quickly as he can, fearing that he might lose his train of thought if he thinks of any other words.

 

Thankfully, Kyung doesn’t say anything when he walks into Jiho’s office and finds him sitting on the floor, headphones plugged into his laptop, crumpled up notes scattered all around him. He’s seen Jiho like this enough times, over the years, to think it’s just another day for him.

 

“Who’s that one for? I don’t remember you saying you were going to write for any of the upcoming releases,” he enquires, dropping a stack of demos on Jiho’s desk. They’ve been opened, their contents scanned by Kyung’s methodical ears, and Jiho trusts him that this batch will be good too.

 

Bowing his head, Jiho gathers some of the papers to one side to try and give at least an impression that he knows what he’s doing. “It’s just… something that came to mind.” He knows Kyung won’t want to talk about it, if he lets him know the truth. It’s not that Jiho enjoys lying, but he just figures some lies are better than heartbreak. “You know what that’s like.”

 

Kyung raises both his eyebrows in that way he has of letting Jiho know he’s very much used to his nonsense. It’s the little things that follow the two of them through the years, unchanging even as they grow older and, against all odds, wiser.

 

“Just don’t forget to sleep, yeah?” He leans on the doorframe to take the image in. “Everyday I wonder how we got here, when you’re such a fucking disaster.”

 

Jiho can’t very much do anything else but shake his head in acquiescence.

 

“And then I see you like this, and I remember.”

 

Kyung turns on his heels and leaves, door closing behind him, and Jiho’s left where he’s sitting, hands reaching for the cleanest version of his notes. Quietly, he starts reading them out loud, keeps up with the beat coming from his headphones, one hand on the keys. That’s when it all falls into place, the missing words and the meaning, and it’s barely sundown when Jiho packs everything up in his bag in a hurry and leaves, the wind following him home.

  


His home studio computer boots up and Jiho takes the time to warm his voice, dusts off his microphone from the months it’s been sitting, untouched, while Jiho worked on songs for other people.

 

This one isn’t for himself, not really, not entirely at least. He still feels lighter already when he picks up the backing track from where he’d left it off, and he easily finds the notes on his keyboard, lets himself sway with how they layer over the beat. He isn’t quite satisfied, and maybe he can arrange something with the in-house band tomorrow, but for now, it will do.

 

In a moment of thought, his eyes scan over the final draft, over every word he put down trying to pinpoint something, trying to say what he means.

 

Despite how ready he tells himself he is, his throat still feels hoarse when he leans into the mic. Still, he takes a breath and he hits ‘record’.

  
  


Jiho feels so dizzy by the end of it, all three minutes, thirty-three seconds, that he could just fall into bed and let himself go, sleep a worriless night away.

 

Instead, his thumb runs over his phone’s screen until he finds his assistant’s number to tell him he’ll be completely booked off for a day.

 

The ‘sent’ notification has barely had time to appear before Jiho scrolls back into his contacts, settling on Daniel’s name. He listens to the dial tones intently, heart thumping against his ribcage, yearning to finally set a course for the open road.

 

“Hey, missing me already?” Daniel huffs on the other end, and Jiho can hear the busy noise of the street behind him.

 

Jiho sighs, content. “I always do. Just calling to say… You can tell your brother I’m looking forward to the play.”

 

It’s hard to make it out over the line, but it sounds like Daniel has stopped in his tracks, and if Jiho closes his eyes, he can hear the smile in Daniel’s voice.

 

“Okay.” Beat. “Okay. Awesome, I’ll make sure to tell him. He - fuck, he’s going to be so excited.”

 

Jiho stretches out, greets the moon as it winds its way up in the sky. “Have a good night,” he murmurs, out towards the city, to wherever Daniel is.

 

“You too. I… I’ll see you soon.” And then Daniel hangs up, and Jiho wonders just for an instant if he meant to say something else.

 

There’s still so many things they need to say.

  
  


___

  
  
  


Jiho’s halfway through reading a seemingly interminable PR contract for Dongwook when there’s a knock on his office door, and then another. Through the opaque glass, he can see a figure fidgeting, almost turning around to leave, and then bracing itself again. He’d recognize it anywhere.

 

“Come in.” Jiho calls, leaning back in his chair as the stack of papers lands on his desk with a thud. It’s nothing he hasn’t read before, and it can wait.

 

The door clicks open and Kyung shuffles in, cardigan too big around his shoulders, his hair tousled from what Jiho can only assume was the recording session he supervised this morning. “Hey. Can we talk?”

 

He’s never refused that request before, and the look in Kyung’s eyes tells Jiho this isn’t the time to start, so he nods. In a movement he’s made a hundred times, Kyung closes the door behind himself, and he takes a breath.

 

“I wanted to apologize.”

 

The words fall hard on Jiho’s ears, and he starts, his body lunging forward to stand up and ask Kyung what he’s talking about.

 

“No, wait. I really do. I haven’t been supportive of you... The way that I should have been.” Kyung holds his hands in front of himself, like he’s trying to protect himself from something only he’s afraid of.

 

Slowly, like someone is turning the dimmer on a lamp all the way up, Jiho begins to understand why Kyung is here. He exhales, waits for all the oxygen to leave his lungs before he closes his eyes, stars and tears prickling behind his lids.

  


“When you started going out again, and seeing that guy… I thought it was just a distraction.” Kyung’s tone is soft and he pulls the sleeves of his cardigan over his hands, like he’s trying to hide inside it. “That nothing good would come of it.”

 

Jiho has an inkling that’s not all that there is, but he lets Kyung speak.

 

“But also… I guess I kind of. Didn’t want you out there, when you could have been here, I wondered why everything was working out all of a sudden when-”

 

Jiho drags a hand over his face. “When it didn’t work out for us. Right.”

 

Like he’s trying to make peace with something that’s still tearing away at his insides, Kyung hangs his head and he smiles, dejected.

 

“Yeah.”

 

There’s a vice around Jiho’s heart that’s tightening at the sight. He wants to reach for Kyung and tell him everything that was going through his head at the time, when they were trying to make things right and always fell short.

 

“It wasn’t your fault, back then.” Jiho says, looking up. “It never was.”

 

Kyung doesn’t look back at him, like he doesn’t dare to. “But it wasn’t yours either. No matter how much I tried to find someone to take the blame.” He laughs bitterly at himself. “All this time I thought maybe, one day, when you’ve finally settled into yourself, maybe we could try but.. Some things just aren’t meant to be.”

 

He’s out of breath, and Jiho wonders whether Kyung just talked too much or if he’s trying to choke back tears. Somehow, though, the air in the room isn’t as heavy as Jiho feared it would become. Kyung runs a hand through his hair and he inhales deeply, his shoulders lifting up.

 

“I listened to your demo,” he announces, and the way he looks at Jiho is so full of compassion.

 

Jiho’s stomach flips, and his throat feels dry all of sudden. He’d left himself open to this, after all, when he took his unfinished version to the studio for the band to play over, when he told them they could keep it to see if anything else comes to mind. To his own surprise, even if he feels the hairs on his neck stand up as he waits for Kyung to keep going, to tell Jiho what he thought of the contents of his soul, he doesn’t feel embarrassed.

 

“It’s- It’s so fucking good, Jiho. Some of the best stuff you’ve written.” He huffs, a serene expression on his face for the first time in a long time. “I can tell how much he means to you. I could hear it in every word, every beat.” Kyung swallows hard, and Jiho feels like a roadblock has finally been removed for both of them. “I was totally wrong, about all this.”

 

As if to emphasize his words, Kyung gestures around the room, and at Jiho, and he smiles, his eyes two crescent moons.

 

With that, almost without realizing it, Jiho smiles too. Just friends is all they’ll ever be, sure, but Kyung is the best friend he’s ever had, and Jiho doesn’t think - or truthfully, he simply knows, that nothing he’s ever done would have been possible without Kyung at his side. He knows he probably shouldn’t want it, that listening to his own heart for once is enough, but Kyung’s validation of his feelings makes Jiho realize again that he’s doing the right thing.

 

“Just for the sake of asking.” Kyung takes a step forward and leans over Jiho’s desk, supporting himself on his fingertips. “Are you happy?”

 

Jiho grins up at him. “I am.” Happiest he’s ever been, but maybe that’s too much of a statement to make to Kyung for now. “Everything just comes so naturally, when I’m with Daniel... I don’t have to question or second guess anything anymore. I don’t know why, or how, but it’s like the world finally slows down and I can see for miles ahead.”

 

It’s true, and it feels so good for Jiho to say it, out loud, to someone he trusts. Kyung nods once, and he closes his eyes, a small smile drawn up on his lips. In the few seconds that pass, Jiho wonders what Kyung is thinking, if he’s simply trying to process everything. When Kyung finally looks back at him, Jiho sees only gratefulness and understanding in his gaze.

 

“Good. That’s good.”

 

In that moment the room slows down, and Jiho sees them again, at the library tables, in the old, rickety sound studio in Kyung’s basement, at the assembly before their graduation, so many moments spent and shared together that he can’t believe he ever thought anything could chip away at the bond they forged. He sees it in Kyung’s eyes too, in the way it seems like melancholy has finally left them.

 

Kyung shuffles backwards, hand reaching for the door. “I just wanted to clear things up. Thank you for… being honest.” He turns around, but freezes before the door clicks open and before time starts again. “Also, you should release that song. It really is great.”

 

And then he’s gone and Jiho feels so giddy that he can’t even fathom burying himself in paperwork anymore.

  
  


___

  
  


The school auditorium reminds Jiho of college, and maybe that’s why he doesn’t experience the instant brain shutdown he was expecting. There’s people milling about in every corner, nervous parents looking for their seats, teenagers halfway in their costumes running around to greet their relatives, school staff busy setting up the stage, and it’s so lively that Jiho decides to breathe it in, instead of staying frozen in place.

 

“Daehwi’s getting ready, I don’t think we can see him before the show.” Daniel hooks his arm through Jiho’s, and Jiho lets himself get swept away into the room.

 

As they wind their way through the crowd and Daniel waves at parents and siblings and teachers, Jiho realizes how little he actually knows about life outside of the studio. He feels a tug on his arm when Daniel spots someone, and sure enough he’s swept away to the other side of the room, down a row of seats that he hits his knees on.

 

“Hey stranger.”

 

Jiho blinks once, twice, and sure enough, right in front of him is one of Daniel’s co-workers, all smiles as he hugs Daniel hello and extends a hand towards Jiho.

 

“Oh, right. I never actually introduced you guys.” Daniel shifts from one foot to the other. “Jisung, this is Jiho, you’re heard of him,” he says, and Jiho tries very hard not to panic about what that might mean. “Jiho, this is Jisung, we work together.”

 

Jiho is wildly aware of that, only because the last time he saw Jisung, the latter was knees deep in a giant margarita glass and wearing about as little clothing as humanly possible, and it takes all of his willpower to not blurt it out when he shakes Jisung’s hand.

 

There’s a part of him that wants to ask Daniel why Jisung is here, if Daehwi isn’t supposed to know about his work, but then he assumes maybe Daniel just gave up the pretense, maybe Jisung is here as support, and maybe there’s some things Jiho shouldn’t be twisting his brain about. After all, he’s still got time to learn about all of it.

 

He doesn’t get much of a chance to wonder any longer, because the lights go dim, and then Daniel is ushering him and Jisung to the center of the row, “best seats in the house”, even if they’re foldable plastic chairs and Jiho knows his back will definitely hurt later.  

 

“I’ve been looking forward to this.” Jisung claps his hands in excitement when the drama teacher walks on stage to introduce the play. “I wonder how things changed.”

 

Next to him, Daniel folds his hands in his lap, a nervous habit. “He’s been working on his voice a lot,” he says, his shoulders rising with the deep breath he takes as the stage lights come on. “He still does your exercises everyday.”

 

Jiho doesn’t miss the way Jisung smiles, something glistening in his eyes. He also doesn’t miss how Daniel wrings his hands, restless, as music starts playing over the speakers and the troupe starts filling the stage to set the first scene.

 

He keeps his eyes on the play, but his hand finds Daniel’s, holds him to the moment.

 

It’s easy enough to spot Daehwi, when he takes center stage. Jiho remembers him from the picture on Daniel’s phone, sees the same boy with his tousled hair - only this time, it might be on purpose - and his bright eyes, but even if he had no idea what Daehwi looked like, the way Daniel’s face lights up at the sight of him would have given everything away.

 

There’s no denying that Daniel has every right to be proud of his brother. As talented as the entire cast is, Jiho finds it hard to tear his attention away from Daehwi, and when he listens to the boy sing, he hears the music he would write for that voice and all its colors.

 

In between scenes, Jiho squeezes Daniel’s hand to get him back down to earth for a moment. “He’s fucking amazing.” And all Daniel does is nod, and cheer, and Jiho could probably just freeze time at this exact moment and live happily in it.

  
  
  


The cast is on their third round of bows when the applause starts dying down, impatient parents shuffling around the seats to be the first to congratulate their offspring, a few siblings who look like they’ve been dragged here by force sulking in the corner or diving straight for the buffet at the back of the room.

 

“I’ll go get him,” is all Daniel says, all too quickly, before he disappears into the crowd, and Jiho is pretty sure his hands immediately start sweating when he loses sight of Daniel.

 

There’s hands on his shoulders and when he looks, it’s Jisung maneuvering him out of the way, to the alley next to the dressing room, far from the rumbling crowd.

 

“You okay? Looking a little pale there.” Jisung raises his eyebrows like he knows exactly how Jiho is feeling.

 

Jiho tries to wipe his hands on his coat. “How do you prepare for things like this?” he blurts out, eyes darting to the dressing room door. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this nervous in my life, even meeting the First Lady was easier than this.”

 

Maybe he sounds ridiculous, and he definitely feels ridiculous, but there’s still that anxiety he can’t quite shake.

 

“That is the weirdest humble brag I’ve ever heard,” Jisung snorts, and he rubs a hand up and down Jiho’s arm in an attempt to be comforting. “Trust me, Daehwi isn’t nearly as terrifying as you seem to think he is. And, between you and me, he knows a thing or two about being afraid of judgement.” His voice noticeably softens as he speaks. “The worst thing you could do in front of him is try to be someone you’re not.”

 

In his heart, Jiho knows Jisung is right. Right now though, the entire situation leaves him with approximately three seconds to prepare before Daniel reappears, his arm around Daehwi’s shoulders, the two of them all smiles as they saunter towards Jiho in rhythm with each other. Jisung takes an almost comical bow as he steps back, even as Jiho is mentally begging him to stay and help out, but he simply waves and then, everything happens.

 

“Hey!” Daniel comes to a stop right before he crashes into Jiho, Daehwi winding his arms around Daniel’s middle to hold him back. “Finally managed to get a hold of this superstar. I swear people backstage would not stop fawning over him, I mean, I understand but come on!”

 

Daehwi laughs and disentangles himself from Daniel, taking a look around the room before he turns to Jiho. “My adoring fans can wait,” he giggles, a little breathless still from his performance. Daniel grins and ruffles Daehwi's hair, messing up what was left of his stage get-up and leaving him looking even younger, bangs falling in front of his eyes.

 

“So,” Daehwi says, a playful intonation coloring his voice. “This is who's been keeping you out all night.”

 

Daniel looks down at his feet, and if Jiho's eyes weren't tired out by the still dim light of the room, he could swear Daniel is blushing.

 

“You got me.” Daniel breathes out. “Hwi, this is Jiho. My… boyfriend.”

 

Jiho feels like the ground is going to give out from under him. In truth, he’d imagined Daniel calling him that more times than he’d ever admit, but to hear it out loud still makes him feel like his heart is about to go ballistic, and he’s pretty sure he can feel it thumping against his ribs.

 

Like he can feel it too, Daniel slips a hand in Jiho’s as he keeps the conversation going. “Finally, huh?”

 

“It’s so nice to meet you!” Daewhi takes Jiho’s shaky hand in both of his, holds it before he pulls Jiho into a hug. In the movement, he takes advantage of the proximity to quietly say, “Thank you for taking care of Niel.”

 

That’s what makes Jiho breathe a little easier, when Daehwi holds him at arm’s length and smiles, visibly overjoyed. It’s at that moment that Jisung chooses to step out of his metaphorical shadow, holding half a rice cake and visibly enjoying the entire setup.

 

When he sees Jisung, Daehwi immediately jumps into his arms, Jiho and Daniel forgotten as they stand there watching the two hugging.

 

“They’re close,” Daniel comments, crossing his arms over his chest. “Sometimes I wonder if Daehwi actually likes Jisung more than he likes me.”

 

Before Jiho can reassure Daniel, their attention is caught by the way Daehwi waves at someone in the room, and then Jiho is surprised to find an almost exasperated expression on Daniel’s face.

 

“Yo, Hwi!”

 

In Jiho’s line of sight, there’s a boy that can only be described as ‘long’, a juvenile face on an oversized body, weaving his way through the crowd with almost amusing difficulty.

 

He eventually makes it, throwing an absurdly lanky arm over Daehwi’s shoulder and smiling at all of them. “You’re coming to Jinyoung’s later, right?”

 

At that, Daehwi turns to look at Daniel, a slight pout forming on his lips. “About that…” he says, almost pleading. “Jinyoung’s having a post-show celebratory sleepover tonight and-”

 

“Sure.” Daniel pinches the bridge of his nose. “Just text me when you get there, and whenever you’re coming home tomorrow.”

 

“I’m assuming it shouldn’t be too early, right?” Daehwi tilts his head, taps a finger to his chin.

 

Jiho really hopes the washed-out lights on the ceiling aren’t giving away how red he’s probably turning right now. Even then, he rubs the back of his neck to try and chase some of the heat away, and wonders if he should even say something in all of this.

 

Instead Daniel sighs, and he gives the two teenagers a wave of his hand. “Sure. And Guanlin?” he points at the giant toddler still hanging off of Daehwi’s shoulders. “Say hi to your brother for me.”

 

If Jiho considered himself sound of mind, right now, he’d almost think Daniel’s tone sounded like a challenge.

 

Guanlin only laughs, a hearty sound that fills their little space and lets Jiho catch his breath.

 

In the midst of it all, Jiho feels someone tugging at his jacket and when he looks, it’s Daehwi beckoning him off to the side. It feels like Jisung is watching them, and maybe it’s better that way, because Jiho definitely feels like he needs adult supervision right about now.

 

“I really do mean it, you know?” Daehwi says when they’re as alone as they can be, the rest of the attendance too busy chowing down and talking over each other instead of to each other. “I’m really thankful for how happy you make Niel. It’s been so obvious, ever since this started…” He searches for his words, eyes looking through Jiho. “Well, I can’t say I know exactly when, but it’s become clear that something- someone is making him feel like this.”

 

Jiho tries to find a way through Daehwi’s words, to make sense of the growing warmth in his chest. “I really…” _Say it._ Not yet. “I really care about him,” he mumbles, because it’s only the truth after all. “He changed my life and I don’t think he even realizes it.”

 

“He tends to be like that, yeah.” Daehwi laughs, sneaks a glance at Daniel where he’s talking with the drama teacher. “He’s helped me changed mine, too.”

 

There’s a moment of comfortable silence, Daehwi folding his hands over his own heart, and Jiho slowly putting the pieces together.

 

“I’m not sure if he told you, maybe not.” Daehwi scratches the back of his head like he’s looking for a gentle way to say it. “About me, the whole being trans thing?”

 

Everything dawns on him and Jiho holds his breath for a second, tries to think of the right thing to say. The last thing he wants is to hurt the person Daniel cares about most in the world with careless words that he doesn’t mean.

 

“Back when we started… seeing each other. He told me he had a brother. That’s it.” Jiho tries to help, even if he has no idea how. “And everytime he talks about you, it’s kind of... The best, to be honest. I’ve never seen someone prouder.”

 

Daehwi giggles to himself, a blush coloring his cheeks dusty pink. “I guess I can be proud of myself too,”  he exhales, and even though the light hasn’t shifted he looks more mature than he did just a second ago.

 

“I think he wanted you to tell me yourself.” And now, Jiho understands why. “And I also think that you’re the coolest kid I’ve ever met, regardless.”

 

At that, Daehwi’s eyes go round and he smiles a surprised smile. “Is that so?”

 

“Oh.” Jiho swallows hard. “I mean, not that it’s not important, but it’s- I mean, I think you’re amazing. Just as you are. I don’t-”

 

“Hey, I know.” Daehwi extends a hand towards Jiho, squeezes his forearm in reassurance. “I know what you mean, don’t worry. And… thank you.”

 

Jiho feels like he’s deflating like a funfair castle, and wonders where his supposed way with words went. “I really mean it. You were awesome up there. I’m… I’m really happy that I came here, and that I finally met you.”

 

All his worries have been laid to rest, but Jiho feels it isn’t necessary to mention it. The way Daehwi smiles and the way he hugs Jiho again, so warm and inviting like he’s opening a third spot at the family table, is enough.

 

“I feel like I’m interrupting a really beautiful thing right now,” Guanlin’s voice comes out of nowhere. “But come on Hwi, go get changed, we’ve got a party to get to!”

 

Daniel seemingly materializes out of nowhere behind him, a comically stern look on his face. “Who said it was a party?”

 

“Alright, it’s time for you to go home too.” Jisung squeezes Daniel’s shoulders and gives Guanlin a wink as he pushes Daniel towards Jiho. “I think you two have a lot to talk about.”

 

As he takes a step back and watches the joyous ruckus unfold, Jiho thinks of all the things he does have to say, and how he can’t just keep them in anymore.

 

Before Daehwi disappears back into the dressing room, Daniel catches him in a hug. “Don’t forget to text me,” he says, tightening his grip until Daehwi is wiggling like a worm at the end of a fishing hook. “I’m so proud of you.”

 

He holds Daehwi’s face in both of his hands to get a good look at him, and when he finally has to let his brother go, Daniel stays where he is until Daehwi disappears into the dressing room, a natural instinct to make sure he’s always safe.

 

Jiho watches it all, and there’s that fleeting sensation again, a long and slow fall into light. He barely notices when Jisung bumps into his shoulder on purpose, just enough to talk in a voice that no one else will hear.

 

“All you need to do is speak from here.” He reaches around to point his index finger directly at Jiho’s heart. “And you’ll get there.”

 

His line of sight leads right to Daniel and Jiho follows it, finds that he finally knows where he wants to go from here.

  


 

___

  


 

_< < he reaches over and he touches you,_

 

_like a prayer for which no words exist,_

 

_and you feel your heart taking root in your body,_

 

_like you’ve discovered something you didn’t even have a name for. >>_

  


 

It’s only a few minutes walk from the school to the main road, and though the neighborhood is unfamiliar to Jiho, he doesn’t look as anxious as Daniel has known him to be. It’s good to see him like this, relaxed and open, and Daniel takes Jiho’s hand without any of the second thoughts he might have had before.

 

They’re passing by some closing shops when Jiho takes a breath and tugs at Daniel’s arm to get his attention. “I guess you living alone is pretty normal but… what about Daehwi? Why is he not with your parents?”

 

Daniel sighs, and he feels his hand tightening around Jiho’s almost of its own accord.

 

“I mean, you don’t have to tell me but- I just think it’s- I-” Jiho fumbles with his words.

 

Daniel squeezes his hand again, laughs up at the sky. He’s never really thought this would come up on the table, but now he knows he can tell Jiho about this, and everything else, and all Jiho will do is listen and at least try to understand.

 

“No, it’s fine. I left home as soon as I could, honestly, and Daehwi…” Daniel’s eyes search the night for the right words. “Our parents freaked out, when he came out. Said he should either change his mind, or leave and never come back. They wouldn’t have him the way he is so-” Just the memory of everything is enough to make Daniel stop in his tracks, and he tries to swallow his bitterness down again. “He packed up and left, came to live with me.”

 

Jiho looks like his heart is slowly sinking to the bottom of his stomach with each word Daniel says. “That’s… That’s awful, I’m so sorry.”

 

“They’re the ones who are missing out.” Daniel kicks some stray gravel out of his way. “He’s a fucking gem.”

 

Crossing their parents out of his life had been the easiest thing Daniel had ever done. Seeing Daehwi bloom, away from the hurt and the prejudice they’d cast upon him, was the only thing that mattered, the only thing that Daniel could truly be bothered to care about. He deleted the voicemails, deflected the anger and the guilt. He’s done a lot of things wrong in his life, but there isn’t a bribe in the world that could make him believe this was one of them.

 

Jiho looks down at the ground. “That he is.”

 

Even in how quiet his voice is, Daniel can hear that he’s smiling.

 

“I’m so glad everything worked out for you two,” he says, swinging his arm and Daniel’s with it.

 

Above them, the sky is tinted pink and orange and it goes on forever.

 

"Should we get a taxi back to mine?" Jiho stops to checks the street for any sign of a free cab.

 

Daniel keeps pulling on his arm then, because he's already chosen the destination. "Actually, our apartment is close, I thought we could-" he gives out when Jiho starts again, taking a step to meet him. "I've spent so much time at your place, figured it's time to invite you in, too."

 

Something lights Jiho's face up then, a contained sort of joy like he's trying to not let Daniel know he's wanted this for a while. It's adorable and Daniel has to resist the urge to just kiss him there in the middle of the street. He thought he'd be more nervous about this, about Jiho seeing his space, his home, where there's no lights and curtains and clocks to hide behind. Even though he's known Jiho long enough to be sure he won't pass judgement, the thought of him walking on the threadbare carpet and into everything Daniel has ever owned makes anxiety churn in the pit of Daniel's stomach, just for a second.

 

"It's definitely not your top scale penthouse, or whatever but-"

 

"I'm sure it's perfect." Jiho lets go of Daniel's hand only to take him by the waist, invites him to keep walking.

 

It's so sudden and such a change that Daniel feels like he's floating above ground the entire time, leading Jiho through familiar streets, past the corner store and the neighborhood cats, through the door of the building.

 

He only feels himself taking a necessary breath when he opens the door, and the way it clicks shut behind him would remind him of days gone by, but there's only looking forward from now on.

  
  
  
  


-

 

  


"So... welcome to my humble home," Daniel announces, almost comical, scratching the back of his head as he steps into the living room to let Jiho in.

 

Looking around, Jiho finally understands the difference between house and home. He could have lived here, in college, between the pile of notebooks on the table and the blanket half-slipping off the couch, so many things scattered around that his eyes aren’t sure where to look. There’s pictures and schedules stuck to the fridge, and a cat lounging on the windowsill, contentedly ignoring their presence even as Jiho almost trips over a forgotten backpack.

 

“Oh fuck, sorry, that’s mine.” Daniel picks up the bag only to throw it on the couch. “Temporary. I’ll clean later, this week, eventually.”

 

It’s doesn’t really matter to Jiho. The apartment is just the way it should be, brimming with life in every corner, every object, and every step Jiho takes inside makes him feel like he’s been here before, and all of it is welcoming him home.

 

"No." Jiho doesn't mean to sound so solemn, but he needs to let Daniel know. "I mean, it's... it's the best."

 

Here in the middle of the living room, their knees bumping against the edge of the couch, Jiho pulls Daniel to himself, their bodies flush against each other. Jiho winds his arms around Daniel's waist, and Daniel's hands run up Jiho's chest and to his face, and in that moment Jiho feels the sense of belonging he's been chasing after.

 

"It's amazing, you're so fucking amazing, to have built that by yourself."

 

Daniel chuckles as he looks around the room. "It don't know if it'll ever be perfect but... it's enough."

 

Enough is just right. There's no need to chase perfection when they have this, the wooden walls heavy with pictures and memories, the sounds of the street echoing through the windows, the way Daniel sways a little in Jiho's arms to lead him to his bedroom.

 

There's life in this place, Jiho thinks, and it keeps on going. He lets Daniel close another door to keep the warmth in, but it only feels like another is opening in both their hearts, finally and fully.

 

"I'm sorry it took me so long." Jiho murmurs, his last words smearing on Daniel's lips.

 

"All the time in the world." Daniel echoes. "It's ours."

 

Everything slows down again, as usual. Jiho lets himself take the lead, kisses his way down Daniel's throat as he lays him out out the bed, reveling in the soft moan that leaves Daniel's lips, the first note on a new page.

 

It's easy like this, when all Jiho has to do is lean down and reach for everything he's ever wanted.

 

"Wait." Daniel squirms, reaches under the comforter. When he pulls his hand out he's holding a book on the European Middle Ages and Jiho can't help but burst out laughing, hides his face against Daniel's chest.

 

He takes the book from Daniel's hand, forgets it somewhere on the floor. "At least I know you're studying hard."

 

Daniel only laughs and pulls Jiho down with him, peppering his face with kisses as he undoes the buttons on Jiho's shirt, one by one, a hand travelling on his skin as it's uncovered.

 

Here in this room, there's no space for discomfort. All Jiho has to do is follow the line of Daniel's waist down to where his hips jut out, lifting off the bed to let Jiho pull his jeans down his legs in one smooth movement.

 

Skin meets skin as their clothes are abandoned and scattered across the room, Daniel's hands holding on Jiho's back as they kiss, moving against each other at their own pace. It's only when Daniel whines into Jiho's mouth that reality dawns on them again, Jiho looking down to find a wet spot on Daniel's boxers, Daniel's thighs shaking with need.

 

"We should-" Jiho starts, and Daniel hums in the back of his throat.

 

"Bedside table. Cliché, I know."

  


Jiho is stuck between a groan and a laugh as he tries to reach for the drawer without crushing Daniel completely, but it eventually cracks open, the bottle of lube rolling down to where Jiho can grab it.

 

He kneels on the bed, between Daniel's legs, and the sight when he looks down takes his breath away. Daniel's got his arms over his head, hair framing his face, the silky expense of his skin flushed already, clashing against the cream-colored comforter.

 

When Jiho tugs at his boxers, Daniel smiles a devilish smile, licking his lips before he speaks. "You got this?"

 

"I think so." Jiho gulps, watches as Daniel's cock comes to rest against his stomach and Daniel bends his knees to accommodate him.

 

Even as his fingers tremble when he slicks them up with lube, Jiho tries to steady himself, reaches down until he can hear Daniel's breathing change. He bites his lip, watches his movement carefully as he pushes a first knuckle in, his heart jumping when Daniel whimpers.

 

"Is this ok?"

 

Daniel looks up, lips parted, and he nods. "Keep going. Please just- keep going."

 

And so, Jiho does. One knuckle becomes a finger, and then two, and he pulls them out carefully, only pushing back in when he feels Daniel clenching down around his digits. It's strange and new and wonderful, how Daniel's body calls for him, how Daniel's hips move to meet him, and Jiho feels the embers in the pit of his stomach building up again, stronger than before.

 

Watching Daniel open up for him as a third fingers goes in, his stomach tensing with the movement, Jiho has to concentrate on the simple come and go so he doesn't lose control.  

 

"You're so beautiful," he breathes out, pushing Daniel's knees a little further apart to give himself more room. "How did I ever-"

 

"Hey. Don't do this." Daniel's voice is strained, but he still calls Jiho to attention. "It's not luck. It's- _fuck_ \- it's because we tried, and we made it. It's our life."

 

Jiho doesn't miss the singular. He swallows the last of his insecurity down and when he starts moving his fingers more experimentally, stretching them out until he hears Daniel whine, he knows this is all too good to be just a stroke of chance.

 

"Want you," Daniel sighs, a hand reaching out for Jiho. "Need you."

 

Jiho shakes a little as he gets himself ready, and he wants to touch Daniel so badly, wants to let his hands run free all over, in all the parts of Daniel that only he is privy to. He lines himself up to Daniel's body, waits until he gets the okay, Daniel lifting his hips up, letting Jiho push his legs up against his chest, always looking up and holding Jiho to this.

 

Daniel cups Jiho's face in his hands when Jiho's cock slides inside him, slowly, because there's no need to rush. "Here you are."

 

If Jiho looks out the window, he knows he'll see the colors of dusk, the last of the sunlight fading out of the sky, and he knows it'll be beautiful. But there's nothing more beautiful than when he focuses on Daniel's face, so close to his, the way his eyes shine, the shape of his lips, and Jiho wants to kiss him so much so he does, because he can. Daniel welcomes him, sweet little mewls escaping him when Jiho moves, sounds that lead him further.

 

Still, he takes his time, drags it out when he pulls out almost completely, leaves open-mouthed kisses against Daniel's neck and then he pushes back in, lets Daniel adjust to the rhythm until it's all the two of them can feel.

 

"Oh- Jiho please- please touch me, touch me, _touch me_ ," Daniel pleads, hips jutting down, his leaking cock twitching against his stomach.

 

It's all Jiho can do to oblige, wrapping a hand around the length, slicking precome down until he can move freely, trying to time the movements of his hand to the ones of his hips.

 

It's a tight space but he makes it work, and the way Daniel reacts encourages him, drawn out sighs with each of Jiho's thrusts, a complete offering of trust and feeling and they're the only people in the world right now, maybe forever.

 

Jiho feels the burn in his thighs then, muscles aching for a change of pace.

 

"Sorry," he mumbles before he lets go of Daniel, using both hands to massage his own thighs.

 

Daniel uses the break to take a deep breath, scrubbing a hand down his face as he looks over Jiho's body. "How can I ever forgive you."

 

He still lets Jiho move them, lies on his side diligently, a knee hiked up to his chest when Jiho gently pushes at him. It’s definitely different, and Jiho tries to contend with the fact that he can’t see Daniel’s face by pressing kisses to the back of his neck. He winds an arm around Daniel’s middle, then, trapped between Daniel’s body and the bed, just so he can hold him closer.

 

“This- is this okay?”

 

Daniel hums, turns his head to find Jiho’s eyes. “It’s perfect,” and then he laughs, and everything just feels right.

 

It takes Jiho another second or two to firmly situate himself, his vision blurred by need. Eventually he feels comfortable enough, and he takes a hold of his cock, gives himself a few quick strokes before he pushes back inside Daniel, slow and steady. He’s not trying to drag the movement out more than necessary, but the way Daniel shivers against him makes Jiho want to make it last, just for the sake of feeling that just a little more.

 

He splays a hand against Daniel’s chest, feels his heartbeat, and before long Daniel’s own hand is meeting his, their fingers tangling there, holding on to each other for everything they’re worth. Jiho anchors himself to this as he rolls his hips in rhythm with the way Daniel squirms against the sheets, and he listens to every breath Daniel takes, every moan he lets out when Jiho thrusts in deeper.

 

“Oh my- oh fuck, _Jiho_..!”

 

Even after so many times, his name still sounds like music in Daniel’s mouth. Jiho knows when he shifts that he’s brushing against that spot, deep inside, and when Daniel starts whining, erratic, it takes all of Jiho’s willpower to not slam up into him and overwhelm him with the feeling.

 

He nips at Daniel’s earlobe, feels his own breath hot against Daniel’s skin. “Again?” And when Daniel twists his neck and wordlessly begs, Jiho angles his hips and finds his prostate again, closes his eyes and bites down on his lips as he listens to every single sound Daniel makes.

 

It would be a lie if Jiho said he doesn’t enjoy this, having Daniel so close to him, so pliant in his arms. He’s almost surprised at how he’s gotten used to it, his senses overwhelmed by the way Daniel responds to every touch, the way his body seems to have been made to fit in Jiho’s hands.

 

“You sound so pretty,” Jiho pants against Daniel’s shoulder. “How are you always so good to me…”

 

If he’s not careful, Jiho thinks he might let go of himself, right then, when Daniel pushes back against him and muffles a loud moan against the sheets. Instead he tightens his grip on Daniel’s hip, drives up into him once, twice, and each time is better than the last.

 

“Jiho…” Daniel moans and it’s too much, way too much for one man to handle.

 

“Yeah.” Jiho lets go of Daniel’s hip, his hand travelling just a little lower to find Daniel’s cock again. He feels it twitching in his palm and closes his hand around it, long and slow drags to match the way he tries to control the way his hips move. “Me too.”

 

His effort doesn’t last long, and soon enough he feels himself losing control, losing his grip. How can he help it, really, when Daniel is here in his arms, when Daniel is _his._ His hips snap faster almost in spite of what Jiho wants, and he breathes hard, bites down on a whine and on Daniel’s shoulder.

 

“Hey! Ow!” Daniel laughs, breathless.

 

Jiho pulls out then, because he feels heat pooling in his gut, and he tightens his grip on Daniel’s cock, moves his wrist just the way he’s learned Daniel likes it, as he drags his hand upwards. He wants to touch himself too, but he isn’t sure he’s got that much coordination left in his body so he focuses on Daniel, on how pink his cheeks are, how his lips are bitten red and they seem to call for him. Unable to do anything but answer the call, Jiho leans down to kiss Daniel, and that’s when Daniel whines, his hands grasping at Jiho’s back, and he’s coming, his entire body overwhelmed with it.

 

When Daniel goes limp against the bed, it’s all Jiho can do to fall against him, his own cock still throbbing between his legs. Daniel drags a hand across his face, down his chest, and he nudges Jiho just enough for him to get the message.

 

“You forget yourself too much,” he says, helping Jiho get up above him again so he can reach Jiho’s cock, trailing a finger down the underside of it.

 

It’s excruciating and Jiho thinks it must show on his face, because Daniel smiles and beckons him closer, kisses him as he closes his hand around Jiho’s length, warm palm working him slowly as his tongue slips inside Jiho’s mouth. It’s the pace that Jiho likes, the slow build between his legs, in his gut, as Daniel gets both hands on him. They’re still kissing when Jiho tips over the edge, moaning into Daniel’s mouth, and he’s only mildly embarrassed still at how easily he comes undone in Daniel’s hands.

 

“Thank you,” Jiho whispers against the slope of Daniel’s shoulder. “Thank you.”

 

Daniel laughs and he rolls over to the side of the bed, retrieves a pack of wet wipes from under it. “It’s not quite as glamorous as your space shower, but it works.”

It takes a few minutes to get them cleaned up, Daniel retrieving some water from the kitchen, Jiho trying not to laugh when he hears him tripping over something and berating himself for letting it get this messy.

 

“Mess is fine, it gives the place personality!” Jiho quips, water dribbling down his chin.

 

Daniel groans, leaning back against the pillows. “I’m not sure that’s the personality I’m trying to project.”

 

He stretches his arms above his head and sighs, and Jiho just watches him, bathed in moonlight.

 

“I love you.” He barely hears himself say it.

 

There’s a moment when he wonders if maybe, Daniel didn’t hear him. But then Daniel looks at him, and Jiho feels like he’s been pinned in place because Daniel’s eyes are so full of wonder, and they’re full of love too, so much of it that Jiho doesn’t believe it could all be for him.

 

“Say it again.” Daniel shifts down the bed, lies down beside Jiho.

 

There’s nothing Jiho can refuse him. “I love you.”

 

He’ll say it a thousand times, if he needs to. Daniel burrows under the comforter, throws a leg over Jiho’s body to get just that little bit closer, the way he always does. He traces a finger down Jiho’s nose, along the lines of his lips, and Jiho lets him, holds his breath.

 

“I love you, too.” It comes from Daniel’s mouth like a falling star.

 

Jiho closes his eyes, feels Daniel’s lips on his, and he wants to say it again, and again, until even the angels hear it.

  


 

-

  
  


Daniel stirs awake almost reluctantly, pulling the comforter over his head for a brief moment before he gives in to the day. He sits up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, and when he looks to the side, there’s only an empty space where Jiho slept.

 

Sure enough, he’s in the living room, a pillow covering his lap as he taps away at his phone, both earphones in. Daniel wants to laugh when he sees the shirt Jiho is wearing - one of his, and Daniel feels like it’s only normal that Jiho would help himself too. He shuffles across the floor, head still cloudy, and lets himself fall next to Jiho. It only takes a glance for Daniel to see that Jiho is listening to a raw audio file, commands tweaking it here and there, and Daniel can’t believe what he’s seeing so he gently elbows Jiho in the ribs to tear his attention away.

 

“Seriously? Even on your phone?” In hindsight, Daniel thinks he shouldn’t be surprised.

 

Jiho stifles a giggle and he taps out of the app, only to tap on it again barely a second later. His shoulders tense up and he swallows hard, his hand shaking a little as he finds a specific file. “Actually, I… I have something for you.”

 

He says it softly, like he’s not quite sure about it yet, like he thinks it could be better.

 

“Let’s see it then.” Daniel sits closer to Jiho, their shoulders bumping into each other before they find out how to fit together in this space.

 

“You promise not to laugh, right?”

 

Daniel smiles, almost in spite of himself. “No. I mean, yes, I promise.” He holds out his pinky, and Jiho takes it.

 

“It’s… I’ve been trying to figure out, how to tell you everything I feel.” Jiho licks his lips, visibly nervous. “I’m not really great at it, honestly. But there’s at least one thing I think I’m pretty good at.”

 

He unplugs the earphones and selects a file, shakes his head as his thumb hovers over the play button. Watching it happen, Daniel realizes what Jiho means and he feels like his heart is climbing up his throat, ready to spill out everywhere.

 

“You… wrote me a song?”

 

Jiho gulps and nods, hugging the pillow to his chest. “I hope it’s not too much.”

 

Enough, or too much, Daniel isn’t sure which he prefers right now. Both sound like just what he needs, because as long as it’s with Jiho, he’ll always be happy with either. He takes Jiho’s hand, links their fingers together to try and reassure him.

 

“Let’s hear it. My promise still stands.”

 

So Jiho closes his hand tighter around Daniel’s, and with the other he presses play, turns the volume up, and he closes his eyes. The whimsical tones fill the room and soon Jiho’s voice comes with them, the first words, but if it’s too much then Daniel decides he wants all of it.

 

“Wait.” He reaches over to pause the track. Jiho’s eyes search his face for a second, and the sheer worry in them makes Daniel feel like his heart is going to break. “Sing it to me. For real.”

 

“I’m not even warmed up, I don’t know…” Jiho says, and maybe his voice does sound a little rough. “Can I still use the instrumental?”

 

Of course, he’d come prepared. Daniel doesn’t think he’ll ever stop loving how careful Jiho is about everything. “I can’t wait to hear all of it.”

 

Jiho frees up his hand to rub his eyes and cough, tries to clear his throat as much as he can. When he’s done, he scrolls through his files until he finds the one, and then music fills the room again, and Daniel feels himself swaying in rhythm, taken in by the sounds.

 

When Jiho takes a deep breath and starts singing, he still sounds a little raw, just enough that every word feels deeper somehow, and Daniel holds a hand up to his heart just to keep it in place. He hears everything Jiho sings, every word that he utters filled with a purpose Daniel doesn’t think has ever been directed at him before, the simple truth of them sinking deep into his soul and settling there.

 

It’s all there in the way Jiho himself gets into it, how he punctuates each phrase with a movement of his hand, how his eyes find Daniel’s to speak to him, and how he finally seems to free himself of his worries, and give in to his feelings. It’s a man coming out of an empty castle and looking up at the sky to find that the stars shine for him too; it’s the quiet beating of their hearts in tandem, hands bound together not by fate but by choice. It’s there in Jiho’s words, ones that no one has ever said to Daniel, that resonate in Daniel’s heart, until they settle there for good.

 

When the song is winding down, Jiho blows him a kiss before he repeats the chorus, joy blooming on his face when Daniel returns it. It’s not until the music ends completely that he seems to relax, melting against the couch as he looks up at Daniel.

 

“And now you know everything.” Jiho says, a little out of breath.

 

Everything might just be enough. “I can’t believe you.” Daniel laughs, lets himself fall beside Jiho. “I… I can’t believe this is how you feel.”

 

“You might have to get used to it.” Jiho lets his hand brush against Daniel’s, and Daniel enjoys the simplicity of it, after everything had seemed so complicated for so long.

 

He steals a glance at Jiho, and when Jiho catches him, Daniel presses a kiss along his jaw, just because he wants to, just because he can. “You know what? I just might.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> [the song jiho wrote](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sC437S45R8c)
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> again, all insert quotes from poems by richard siken
> 
> 1\. the dislocated room  
> 2\. the long and short of it  
> 3\. portrait of fryderyk in shifting light  
> 4\. you are jeff
> 
> big, huge thanks to ted, kay, jace, daniel & miyu, i love yall ♡
> 
> thank you cody for being the best beta reader ever ♡
> 
> \- m


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